Existential Counselling by Alphonsa Robert

 

Existential Counselling

Life is just resisting the urge to end it. What we call living is anything that keeps us from staring into the chasm of uncertainty. 

What is the greatest fear of mankind? The fear of life or the fear of death? Life comes with an immense freedom which can be terrifying and all consuming. The fact of acknowledging that vast freedom can be a source of anxiety. It is safer to see life as something that happens to you, something which is beyond your control. To see life as a deliberate choice is frightening. So we bury our enormous potential and limit ourselves to the boundaries of habits and regular patterns. Being caught up in routine we become thoughtless machines. 

But this illusion of safety and control that our culture and society provide is flimsy. The chaos and absurdity of life is too wide to be covered with such thin blankets of falsity. The thoughts of death, life, isolation and meaninglessness are bound to catch us one way or another. No amount of running will be quite enough. I believe it is important that we give up running and instead we should  turn around and look right at the senselessness of life. The act of accepting reality even when it leads to anxiety is a major step we all should take. Knowing that life is inherently meaningless opens a new door for us. It gives the opportunity to give our own meaning to existence, to choose what we feel. 

Seeing life in its actual form can be overwhelming so we try to avoid such direct encounters. There is a sense of belongingness that we cultivate through our routines and practices. Abandoning them can lead to feelings of isolation. But this false security limits us and keeps us from reaching our potential. Our comfort zones inhibit our growth. We must replace passive withdrawal with active participation in living.

Most of our life is composed of escapism. We will rather be blissful in our ignorance than address our existential dread. We are so hung up on trivial matters because they are easy to comprehend and give us the chance to avoid the true underlying reasons of our apprehension. 

We could easily take the backseat of life and complain about the unfairness of it. The unpredictability of life is fearful. Taking responsibility and holding yourself accountable for your actions require courage. Courage is not the absence of fear but choosing to do the right thing despite it. It seems to me that addressing this fear and learning to accept it leads to personal growth. 

I believe that the goal of therapy should be to provide a sense of liberation and to retain wonder and curiosity in our minds. 

It seems exhausting to always be defined by your past. The view that all we are is our past experiences is stifling. It gives no room for personal choice. It is important that we understand that we are more than our past experiences, especially those which were not in our control. The focus must be on possibilities of the future which can be shaped by our conscious action. Retrospection should only be considered to bring an insight to our self. 

Suffering is an inevitable part of life and it is pointless to look for meaning in it. Instead of asking the “why” we should focus on how to respond to it. Suffering is the motivating force that enables growth and becoming. To expect that life should be pleasurable and full of joy itself is a denial of life’s reality. Even the greatest happiness in our life is temporary and will soon fade into life’s scenery. 

We are dynamic beings and our existence is contradictory. We stand on a precipice facing an ambiguous future and all we know is that we don’t know anything.

People must be encouraged to develop an internal frame of reference, a source to guide them through life and to prevent us from falling into apathy. We must commit ourselves to make better life choices, to have personal objectives in order to avoid despair. 

In the end the question is to be or not to be.